Star Trek Season 3 Episode 12

I have lived 45 years on this earth so far. Looking back I am so much wiser than I was even 15 years ago so much more self aware. There are days that I wish I could bottle the things I have learned and give it out in spoon full’s to people that I meet or even my own children to save them the pain of learning time. But, Alas I can not and each must learn their own lessons on their own time.

I think I have learned most about myself in the last 5 years thanks to some very insightful Christian woman who have counseled me through some very difficult times. I have finally gained some clarity and names for “gifts” that God has seen fit to give me that have helped me embrace the creature God made me and not be afraid or ashamed because of what people might think. (I’m still working on the what people might think part.)

When I was very young I remember watching Star Trek every week with my father. I don’t know what age I was here I just remember the episode. The episode was called The Empath. Basically Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock found themselves trapped in a laboratory with Mute woman that was very pretty and had the most amazingly sad eyes. In this show she was very shy and afraid and seemed to want to avoid the two men. Dr McCoy named her Gem. As it turns out a scientist from another planet was using Gem in experiments to test how far she would go to help someone. Even if it meant death to her. You see Gem was an Empath. She felt and took on other people’s emotion and even their pain. Her empathy was so great that she would actually take on the injury of someone else and by doing so heal them.

As a little girl I had no idea why but I related to this woman on a deeply personal level. I knew that we were the same somehow I felt a connection to this character that would stay with me for the rest of my life.

I knew I was different at a very young age. But you learn as a kid to keep your mouth shut. Other kids can be brutal if they think you are different. Then there is being raised in an evangelical church that adds to the paranoia. We were taught over and over that some things are just of the Devil and if it fell into the “Metaphysical” world it was witchcraft or a sin. I have come to understand that the church just doesn’t know what to do with people with gifts so they ignore them or make them sinful but the world embraces people with gifts and often time misuse them.

The Bible talks about many spiritual gifts. The gift of Prophecy, Tongues, and even the gift of dreams or the interpretation of them as Daniel did. But some in the modern church over look or even shun such things because it makes them uncomfortable. So I ignored and pushed down the things that I experienced for fear of anyone knowing and thinking that I was sinful or weird. This often led to great bouts of depression and terrible anxiety. I struggled horribly as a child being easily overwhelmed by others emotions or pain. So I learned to isolate myself when I needed too.

If you haven’t guessed yet. Like Gem I am an empath. I am empathic in the sense that I sense other people’s emotion. I feel their energy and it effects me physically if I can’t block it. At first it was all very conveniently explained away as I was just sensitive or high strung. Then I was told that, I am just really really observant. I read body language well… someone must have told me stuff about what they were going through etc..etc...

What I have discovered is that emotion seems amplified to me. Some people project their emotion stronger than others. When I get around some people I pick up on whether they are having a bad day or not. If they are depressed, scared, angry or mistrustful. The even keeled people are a relief to be around and crowds are hard. The worst part is people with extreme anger issues. Rage and Anger are amplified and if directed at me is very intense and damaging. I have found through the years that I react to angry people based on the feelings rolling off them not necessarily their words or actions.

I seem to be talking about this a lot lately. I think it’s a test in a way. I’m trying to live out loud. I guess I’m testing the waters to see if others accept me if they know. It’s a risk I guess I’m finally willing to take. A large step toward healing and hopefully closer to a more mature walk with the Lord.

In my new found boldness about my gift. (That often feels like a curse.) I found another person just like me. I can’t tell you how comforting that was. That was a true GIFT from God.

Beam me up Scotty it’s time to BOLDLY GO WHERE NO MAN HAS GONE BEFORE. (Sorry I couldn’t resist.)

Sherry (OUT)