1st Marriages are forever. Part 1

When I got married the first time it was forever. At least that is what I thought at the time. I still think it should be and in a way it still is if you have children with 1st spouse. They never go away. Even if they aren’t physically there you have to deal with the aftermath of that loss in your children every day of their lives.

I met my first husband when I was 17 years old. We both worked at Montgomery Wards at Valley west mall. I worked in the men’s department and was cross training in the Shoe department on his first day. He was a hansom 18 year old that liked to dress in sans a belt pants. (Give him a break is was just after the disco craze.) He was also the most annoying, arrogant person I had ever met. He followed me around that whole day asking for a kiss. I couldn’t stand him. He considered himself and atheist and a player. I considered him icky.

We worked together for probably a month or two the time table gets fuzzy around this part of it. He continued to ask me out daily and I continued to say no. But one day I said ok, but the only place I will go with you is to church. I figured that would shut him up but he said ok and I was stuck, I had to take him to church.

My father seemed to hate him on sight. Not a very good thing for a minister to do but what can I say I’m his only child. I started taking him to church and it didn’t go well. My father is an Assembly of God minister and the AG churches are very charismatic and therefore foreign to most Christian people and down right weird to non Christians. The first time he attended and evening prayer meeting and there was an overly spiritual alter call he made fun of it. While people were at the alter lifting their hands and speaking in tongues there he stood in the back of the church in the sight of my father making fun of them. I was horrified. But still he came with me every week. During this time my heart softened to him because I could see that he was hurting and like many young girls we think we can fix the broken boy. I too fell into this trap. Then one night we had a special speaker at church. I can’t tell you what he said but I know something snapped in (Let’s call him Chris) Chris’s heart. I got up from the alter to return to my seat and Chris was not there. I found Chris in the grass outside the church crying. He said he felt empty inside and that he wanted what I had. I prayed with him there in the grass that night. The next morning Chris called me and was elated. He said he had a dream that he wrestled with the devil all night long but that he had won the fight. He felt like a new man.

So it began…..Needless to say we fell in love and my father most definitely did not. He was not happy about me dating much less dating Chris. This caused some major problems in my family which basically pushed me out the door as quickly as possible.

That is a different story thread for a different time.

So basically I met Chris at 17 and married him at 18. Looking back now I can see that I even though I truly did love Chris, I was in desperate need to leave my house. I felt it was a matter of my safety. I don’t think I would have rushed if hadn’t been afraid at home. But who knows what I would have done. Chris and I were married in June 1983. He was 20 and I turned 19 the next month. We were poor but happy….for the most part.

We continued having issues with my father that put a strain on our marriage but we were good together at least for a while anyway.

I can look back now and say it started falling apart the year Chris’s father died. I don’t know the exact year. I think we had been married 4 or 5 years by then. Our marriage had survived a horrible motorcycle accident and bankruptcy. But his father dieing did him in mentally. He hadn’t gotten to see his father much because he had moved away from his children when Chris’s mother and he got divorced. He lived in Vermont and they move to Arizona. Chris maybe saw his dad twice between the age of 10 and 20. Funny thing about absence sometimes it makes a child put their absent parent on a pedestal. This is what Chris had done. When his dad died the grief mixed with regret overwhelmed him and everything changed.

It's time.

Well I guess it's time. I can't avoid writing about certain things and people in my life any more. I'm supposed to get this all down on paper but to tell you the truth it scares the hell out of me. I'm sure if anyone involved with these stories I haven't written yet were to read them they would be hurt or angry but, I'm going to try very hard to tell them with truth from my perspective. I'm not trying to hurt anyone I just want to share what I have learned about God through these experiences life thrown me.

As in any situation everyone involved sees it from their side. Take a look at all the sides and the truth is usually in the middle. I am an over analyser however and I try to look at things from all side and take my part of the ownership of any situation. I'm sure however that there are times I'm still not seeing clearly. I hope that there aren't very many of those left.

So I guess the next few story blogs you read will be some of the hardest to write. They have been by far the most painful memories and situations I have ever been in. The people involved are still in my life and I will try my best to protect them without compromising the truth as I see it.

Pray for me.

The Difference

Today I was confronted with the friends and family of two couples that have chosen to divorce for frivolous reasons and both have children. I learned of a wayward daughter who struggles with addiction and is pining away for a abusive boyfriend that's in jail. I also learned of a father who at the age of 54 has been told by his parents that he can't move back in with them unless he goes to rehab for his severe drug and alcohol addiction. I've struggled this last week with certain people in my own life that are hurting and try to hurt my family due to their own inability to take responsibility for their own actions. It's all very sad.

This is the world we live in,lost and fallen, without God. Although I can stand here and say without doubt that the people above do not know Christ and desperately need him. I also can tell you that there are people within our church today with the very same issues. They live in a perpetually fallen state and choose to walk the line of sin and repentance. I listened to one of my favorite ministers today that was talking about Christians wearing too many bracklets. They have the WWJD (What would Jesus do) bracklet because they truly love the Lord but when it come to sin in their lives they also wear the WWOD (what would Oprah Do)bracklet or WDCMS (What does Cosmo Mag Say) or how about the ever popular... WWMFD (What would my friends do) bracklet. Yes there are many among our ranks that have bought into the worlds morality. We think we have just a little, but the reality is that it's a lot. How many of us have come to think that Jesus just wants us to be happy or that it's ok to live with your boyfried. How about if your husbands a jerk and he not the nicest person in the world it's ok to divorce him?

My point is this. The only standard that is exceptable to measure what we should and shouldn't do as Christians is Gods word. Period. If we don't follow it all or we make exceptions for this standard we are kidding ourselves.

Revelation 3:16 16So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

God's not talking to sinners here he is talking to the church. He is telling us to get with the program or get off the bus. No more compromising no more excuses for sin in your life.

We as people who profess to be Christians need to start acting CHRIST LIKE. So that we can be the hands and feet of Jesus to the world. Otherwise we are hipocrits and they won't even listen to us. Sounds harsh I know but we need to wake up. Paul was this brutal too. Maybe it's time we listened to him too.