A Mothers worst nightmare

There have been a few things I've been putting off writing about because of how deep these emotions and memories run and because I don't want to hurt my family in anyway. This story is told with permission from my oldest daughter Kayle.

I was married at age 18 to a man I loved very much. At the time we were each others best friend. We met at the place we worked together and he was not a Christian when we met and I couldn't stand him at first. He was a very obnoxious person that followed me around and ask me for a kiss every few minutes. He ask me out daily and finally I told him that the only place I would take him was to church because I wouldn't date him.

He started coming to church with me and after a few times he gave his life to the Lord. He changed in such way that I fell in love with him. Looking back on it now I saw him as my saviour. A way out of a life that had become toxic to me and dangerous.

We were married for 11 years. Some of them were wonderful some were very hard. I will share more of those times later. Let's skip to the the end of those very hard years. The last three years of our marriage was torturous for me. My husband had an affair(it was really his third) and we had tried to make it work after that. Even though I felt like he didn't choose me the woman he had an affair with chose to stay with her husband so mine stayed with me. He wouldn't go to counseling and he wouldn't find a job. So he ended up staying home and taking care of our three year old while I held down two jobs. It was very hard but I didn't know what else to do.

One thing I learned from this is that you never leave a man who cheats home during the day. They get themselves in trouble. In this case with the married neighbor. I have heard it said the wife always knows and I can tell you from experience it's true. I knew the moment it started I just couldn't prove it. This married neighbor had three children, one boy age 5 and twin girls age 4. Their father worked days like I did and the mother worked nights. This made it very convenient to carry on an affair. Accept what to do with the kids? The horrific solution was to lock the children out of the apartment in the grass area of the apartment complex we lived in while they did whatever they wanted in privacy. Four children five years of age and under unsupervised alone. CPS would have a field day with that and with good reason.

During one of these unsupervised times something horrible happened. An older child probably 11 or 12 coaxed my daughter away from the other kids into a storage shed and proceeded to shove rocks up inside her tiny body. I don't know the details I just know the end result my daughter was to young to make much sense. Her father never noticed anything was wrong. I came home from work and she told me that it hurt to sit down. We went to the bathroom and rocks were in her underwear and were falling in the toilet. She told me about the what the other child had done to her and that she was afraid. I was horrified and distraught. I had told myself that nothing like that would ever happen to my daughter if I could prevent it because of what had happened to me. I felt like a failure as a mom because I was unable to protector her.

I went to our pastor for help because I was stuck in the lie the church had told me growing up. That I was to be totally submissive to my husband and take whatever he dished out. My pastor at the time told me that I could not leave the child with my husband anymore and I needed to stand up to him and tell him so. He was being irresponsible. So I did that and it didn't go well. Shortly there after I found out some other things that had happened to my precious child in his care and within a week he was gone. Thus started a long long journey to healing for myself and for my daughter and it started what seemed like an constant up hill battle against the Devil.

Being a single mom for a while helped us heal. Then the Lord gave us a man that fell in love with the two of us. While life hasn't always been easy we have always seen the hand of God in it. It's his strength that has held me up and pulled me through during those times I didn't feel like I could stand.

There at the beginning I remember sitting next to Kayle as she slept and praying and crying over her small body asking the Lord to guide me to always do there right thing to help protect her from furthor harm.

God was faithful.